I swear, I start this blog over every year and can’t ever seem to maintain it. While I don’t typically set New Year’s Resolutions, this blog is the most Resolutions thing I have since I give up on it every year. That said, here we are again with my attempts to be a writer.
The truth is that I think of things to write about all the time. I am a deep thinker and I spend ridiculous amounts of time thinking about lots of different things and forming opinions on them. When it comes time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard in this digital age) it seems all my thoughts dry up. Honestly, it’s probably because I don’t think my thoughts are that interesting. I don’t have a revolutionary perspective to share so I feel that sharing my thoughts are a waste. That sounds ridiculous now since my personal belief is that every perspective matters and should have an equal spot in the marketplace. I am so out of alignment in how I view myself versus others.
I don’t think I was always like this. I used to feel very confident in my abilities and the power of my voice, but the last few years some things have happened that have made me questions the value I bring to humanity. I must confess that my mind focuses on the negative. I consider it a byproduct of having a depressed mind…having to fight to see the positive in a situation instead of all the ways things have or could go wrong. “You always remember the bad parts”, my sister said a few months ago when we were discussing the way we both have different perspectives of a shared childhood experience. She’s the Joy to my Sadness (though we both wanted to punch Sadness in her face) if we are Inside Out characters.
Anyway, a series of events over the last few years has pushed me to place where I have tried to minimize myself. I feel uncomfortable using my gifts and talents because I’m worried how they will make other people feel. I pull back from sharing my knowledge so I don’t come off as a “know it-all” when in reality I do know a little about a lot of things because I spent a couple of hours of my life researching random topics…for fun. This plethora of random knowledge makes me a great conversationalist (in my own mind), but creates some unique challenges in a world where one’s uninformed opinion is given gravitas due to social media. I was called rude for correcting someone’s misuse of a psychological term (I have a Master’s degree in Counseling and Psychology) because the incorrect use fit their narrative and I was hindering their attempt to appear “insightful”. Over the course of the last few years, I have learned that the path of least resistance was to simply say nothing at all. I gave up my space to make others more comfortable.
As I am thinking about what I would like to be different in 2019, I have decided to stop minimizing myself. One of my core values is to add value and I offer no value in making diminishing myself. I want to live more aligned with my core beliefs in 2019 which means using my voice regardless if other people want to hear it. I am not responsible for anyone’s actions. If no one wants to read my writing, so what. If someone doesn’t like what I have to say about a topic, oh well.
I intend to spend more time taking up space and using my voice all 2019. That means more commentary from me on all the topics I find most interesting like faith, fitness/health, politics, and skincare. If someone has a problem with that then I suggest they “sell it on let go”.
*Happy New Year*